Today’s Blogtember Challenge is a letter to myself at sixteen. Which is an interesting challenge, because sixteen was a very mixed year for me– it was the year I started to find people I liked, but it was also the year I opened myself up enough to people enough for one of them to hurt me very badly. So I put all that in the letter.
Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Kit,
Life’s been kinda rough, socially, until now. You’ve had trouble making friends, and everyone seems to be on a slightly different page than yours. This is the year where you find people who are on your page. That SCA event you went to on your birthday? Several of the people you met there go on to form the backbone of your life. The groups you join and the people you see become your whole world– you make friends, you learn fascinating things, you get introduced to so many things. They’re not laughing at you nearly as much as you think, and they really do like you and want you there.
But not everybody’s safe. This is also the year you start on the road to the abusive relationships you later have. You’re right when you get involved with someone and wonder about it. You’re right to be nervous. You’ll ignore that feeling, because it means someone wants you for once… but everybody else wanted you too, even though you never quite believed them. Everyone else cares about you. There are rough times ahead, a different kind of rough from the ones you’ve had before. Now you’ll have a life and friends, but your self-worth is about to get further eroded. You’ll get through it, but there will be a lot of pain to get there. Remember that you’re strong, remember that you can get through it, and you will get through it. It will take another eight years or so before you’re really free of it… but you will get free. And life is fun, life is good, life isn’t supposed to be this hard, not for these reasons. You’ll have fun. But right now you’re just beginning to walk the road that will lead to you growing up, on a path where getting the things you want is possible.
Remember that you like books. Remember that books are examples, that books will set you free. Keep writing.
Lots of love,